A YEAR OF FIRSTS.

You will never be as strong as you desire but the effort is the entire point of transformation.

What the fuck did you do last year that hadn't before? If you don't know or did nothing new, you need to reconsider your approach and intent to physical fitness. I am willing to bet your strength, appearance, injuries, and attitude reflect that too. The key to meaningful longevity can be summed up in three simple words.... Always a student. Force yourself to remain relevant by submitting to new endeavours. Challenge the mind and the body will grow. Accept you won't ever know everything. Choke your ego and put it to sleep. Remain focused with head down, eyes open, and mouth shut. Unveil every hidden shade of your craft, from now and beyond death. Like the old saying goes "Everything works until it doesn't."

So from couldn't to could. This calendar year I learned new things that humbled my ass. Showing me how not strong I was/am. Learning these maneuvers left an immediate impact on my physique and improved my big lifts significantly.  Below are the movements I implemented and experimented with. All of these are still part of what I do in the gym weekly. So, can you do these? Have you done these? Why? Why not?

Overhead Lunges: 

Mastering the Overhead Lunge

This showed me how soft my core really is because it was harder on my core and shoulders than on my legs which is why I love em. The feedback from this exercise is immediate both during sets and the following day. I could feel exactly what muscles were sore. Don't need too much weight to start. I just use the barbell to start 10 sets of 5-7 each leg. Now I am working at sets of 7-10 at 95-110lbs. My goal is 135lbs. 10 x 5. I am creeping to that goal sooner than anticipated.

Areas of noticeable difference: my entire core, ability to move efficiently with weight, middle and rear delts.

Dowel rod for shoulder /banded shoulder stretching:

4 minute video: increasing shoulder flexibility with dowel rod.

These have without a doubt made me stronger since introducing them 7 months ago. Not just in my warm-ups but in my life. I do these every morning. My shoulders, posture, back pain, and flexibility have seen dramatic change. Please do these. Doesn't take much time and the benefits are high value. 10 rotations front to back pausing at the top to stretch then coming back down slowly. It is hard to describe this step by step so here is a guide I used when I started doing these.

Areas of noticeable difference: warm up time decreased, wakes me up in the morning, posture, flexibility, and decrease in weird shoulder strains I use to get from deadlifting.

Rowing:

HOW TO ROW. ITS NOT THAT FUCKING HARD PEOPLE.

Thumbin' through an old Men's Fitness on the shitter a few months ago I came across a spread about this dude Bobby Maximus aka Gym Jones. The name I was familiar with, but I admittedly brushed him off as kind of a fitness personality dolt who yelled out catchphrases. Im a fucking idiot. I was wrong. This dude's mentality and approach to complete fitness is directly in line with how I operate. I credit this dude with igniting my interest in rowing.

Anyhow, in that issue he included 7 or so workouts he uses when measuring overall strength. Two of them were rowing....

1. Row 500 meters in under 1:45
2. Row 2000 meters in 8 minutes.

I tried both thinking I could hack it and I nearly died. I was butt hurt but I didn't walk. I accepted the failures and vowed to meet the time hacks in the near future. s of this entry I can hit 500m in exactly 1:45 seconds and I can row 2000m in 8:40 seconds. It ain't easy but it aint impossible. fucks wit it.

I use to only do 30/30 sprints or uphill sprints for cardio and conditioning. Now spirints are a slice of my overall metabolic conditioning. Rowing is not boring, easy on the knees, and fun because you are able stimulate yourself psychologically in so many different ways. Time, calories, meters, strokes per minute, etc...

Areas of noticeable difference: Not wanting to die, mental fortitude, curing my hangover

Hangover Rower:  (2 mins rowing/1 min rest for 8 intervals. Aim for 500m on every work interval)

Dumbbell Thrusters:

These fucking suck. You have to be a able bodied squatter to execute these without "bad" pain. If you can front squat efficiently you will likely excel at these. However, if you dont front squat or you can't squat very heavy then use these with light weight (10 or 12 pounds). If you can squat respectable weight in relation to your body weight then go a little heavier. Try 8x8 for a wake up call. When I started I could barely move 20's and my entire body came crashing down with that sick cat hunchback. Now I can crush thrusters using 50's.

Areas of noticeable difference: core strength, quadricep development, endurance, and explosive strength.

Pull-Ups:

I use to do these in the Army but stopped well before I was even out of the service. Training for the Murph back in May forced me to pick them back up. Best thing I ever did. I am a monster at pull ups now. I can do sets of 10 till dark, I can do 20 pull-ups unbroken, and I can knock out crazy sets with 35-40lbs. on my back.

Areas of noticeable difference: stomach, biceps, and middle back.

Box Jumps:

You wont get big legs but you will get sore. These directly translate into a faster, more explosive squat. The trick is not to jump high but to get your legs up as high and fast as possible. Think Lloyd from Dumb & Dumber jumping on the hotel bed in Aspen or that bizzare arthouse New Order music video with stoic weirdos dressed as neon shapes. Box jumps are also my favorite thing to superset with a heavy single leg movement. Like barbell reverse lunges into high box jumps.

Areas of noticeable difference: faster movements on the deadlift and squat, endurance increase, and slightly impressing myself with multiple sets of 5 at 38".

STAY GRIM. HIT THE GYM.

POWERLIFTING IS NOT AN ENTRY LEVEL POSITION.

"You don’t love everybody indiscriminately. You love only those who deserve it.

And then if a man is weak or a woman is weak then she is beyond, he is beyond love?

He certainly does not deserve it. He certainly is beyond......but
he can always correct it. Man has free will. If a man wants love he should correct his weaknesses or his flaws and he may deserve it, but he cannot expect the unearned either in love nor in money, neither matter nor spiritual." - Ayn Rand

True powerlifters are veterans of the weight room. They are experienced lifters who have travelled for many years to achieve an effective operating level. They have spent large portions of their fitness journey in the gym, building muscle, gaining good weight, and getting stronger. All while making minor mistakes which they learn and build from, further cementing their muscular and mental foundation.

They have put in the footwork by going to ANY gym, researching weightlifting publications, pouring over fitness articles, flipping pages of bodybuilding magazines, doing too much bench and bis, running too much, talking to people that look better than them, absorbing knowledge, learning about nutrition that sustains developments. These are the dues smarter, stronger lifters pay to enter another realm of self improvement.

The first two years of actually giving a shit about weightlifting with no relapsing is called Muscle Puberty. It's awkward, strange, exciting, and different, just like actual puberty! You feel things you have never felt. You look at people differently. You make a shit load of embarssing mistakes and you make them often. But throughout the transformation you learn a lot. It is an education that cannot be replicated in any form. You cant teach that exploration to anyone. You learn more from your failures than your successes in this phase and on the other side crawls out a man who is seasoned and primed.

Every person who commits their energy to being stronger and healthier MUST GO THROUGH MUSCLE PUBERTY. No man on earth gets to bypass the sloppy, awkward 10-pump chump getting movie theater hand jobs and goes straight to long lasting sex with beautiful babes in their own apartment. That right is earned, not given.

I love IG and credit much of my success in the gym to people I have met and the workouts they share. The problem with IG though is it gives power to any ass hat with a passing interest in weightlifting the ability to identify as a powerlifter. This has eroded the respectability of this incredibly difficult sport. The market is flooded with doily knobs and undeserved egos. They are overtaking powerlifting. Attempting to create a bastardized, user-friendly version. What I see is basically the mass exodus of people jumping off the cross-fit train because that trend is over. Onto the next thing which unfortunately is powerlifting. 

I pin the infestation of mediocrity on three distinct features of powerlifting.

THREE REASONS POWERLIFTING APPEALS TO SOFT BODIES:

1. It's perceived simplicity. 

"Only 3 maaaaybe 4 lifts? lots of rest? I can eat like an asshole? fuck yeah, I powerlift now!"

It's not three lifts, its three lifts dissected, focused, and flawlessly executed with extreme precision. You don't just do the exercise, a powerlifter masters them. Powerlifting is not simple, you are simple. And weak if you latch onto this sport because it looks easy and doesn't leave you in a lasting pain of labored breathing, screaming muscles, and enduring uncomfort. Don't pin your intrinsic shortcomings onto this sport. Believe it or not you can be a powerlifter AND a hard working weightlifter. Who created this bullshit rule of only being one thing? Where is this lie coming from? You don't walk into a gym on day one and point to a picture like you're getting a haircut saying "that is who I am going to be and nothing else." To quote Patrick Bateman "because I want to FIT IN."

2. It's G-rated inclusive community vibes welcoming any idiot without credentials.

This is my least favorite aspect of the PL community takeover by vanilla mediums. Being competitive and sincerely truthful is not a flawed trait. The climate of "WE ALL SUPPORT EACH OTHER. EVERYONE'S A WINNER. NO ONE LOSES WHEN WE GIVE IT OUR BEST" is toxic. fuuuuuuck you. Get out of this echo chamber before you lose your hearing. Can I get some accountability please? Is it out of season?

If someone's lifts are shitty as a friend/teammate it is your obligation to tell them. If someone went to a competition or has become a self identified IG powerlifter personality and performs like wet hot wrinkled blankets in the trunk of a '93 Chevy Malibu they need to be called out. This seems harsh but it comes from a good place. I'm not advocating the "fuck em' let em' fail" mentality. Im saying this heavy petting, safe space, pillow biting, milk drinkers, cuddle club has to end. It's offensive. Positive criticism and owning up to training, diet, and form failures are not negatives. They are realities which force a person to be held accountable of their failures and successes. If I had shit on my face I hope my friends would tell me. If someone is ate up you say "Dude, You are ate up. Stop doing that, maybe try this instead...."

Also, have you competed? No? You are not a powerlifter (STOLEN VALOR!). And even if you have, that doesn't make you a seasoned veteran of the sport. Stop this coach/competitor arrogance you have unjustly adapted. At best you are familiar with powerlifting which is nothing close to absolute. No one qualified for Wimbledon playing games of ping-pong at Dave &Busters.

Keep competition alive. Renew rivalries. Show disdain for your opponents. Don't give a fake, ass-out hug and hand out Hot Pockets. You don't have to like everyone who does what you do. It's ok to create tension. It's the ultimate motivator.

3. Endless options to accessorize. 

Six month old powerlifter walking in the gym on max day.

These "gear-dos" want to belong more than they want to lift (but they will never admit it). This has got to stop. How much shit does one person need to have laid out on the gym floor? Do they have a flight to catch immediately following their third set of two? They are shopping cart bums on a gym floor. Pushing around a bizarre/haggard collection of useless bullshit which requires more effort to hold onto than put away until it's needed.

You are not a fucking powerlifter. You are not training, you are maintaining. Treading water. The infestation of shapeless, heavy breathing, rolly polly, lifters flooding the floors with utterly useless hi-speed gear far beyond their skill level is reaching critical mass. Mastering the big three is crucial and should show in up in everyone's workout. However, making the big three a crux of a beginners entire program is simply swindling the cherry lifter from reaching any respectable potential. Drop the barbell and drop down for push-ups.

Reality connection too slow to stream experience in real time. Check your network connection player.

HOW CAN YOU FIX THIS?

This applies to more than weight lifting culture, it applies to everything you give a shit about in your life. All organizations, crews, circles, or institutions survive and thrive when all participating members displaying unwavering pride in their craft and community. It is the job of every person to uphold the standard. No special treatment or soft spots. Maintain and enforce expectations of a new face. Educate them on the standard that must be met. Stop throwing parties for every dolt walking into your circle. New people are to be treated as suspect. They are considered irrelevant and meaningless until they have proved themselves else wise. You treat them as outsiders because that is what they are. Exclusivity isn't arrogance, it's authoritative. 

It is not enough to know only your field of responsibility. As a competent leader you must know the responsibility of every person under your command. Move as one, communicate as one, strike as one. 

I give you "Expectations of a Cherry" the definitive guide to behavior traits that should be displayed when a new face shows up. If you are a new guy print these and commit them to memory. If you have new guys coming into your fold, watch for these. Every new turd should be vetted and approved by the majority of your establishment.

Expectations of a Cherry:

-Shut the fuck up (the most important one)

-Keep your head down, your eyes open, and your ears up. 

-Assume anyone who talks to you is better, stronger, and smarter than you.

-Clean up

-Leave no trace.

-Work harder than everyone.

-Stay longer than anyone.

-Respect everyone.

-Never feel comfortable. If you feel comfortable you are wrong.

-You are expendable and replaceable.

-You are to give everything and expect nothing.

-You are entitled to nothing.

-Take everything seriously and nothing personal

-Prove your worth

-Give others a reason to need you

-If you don't belong then don't be long.

and finally 

-Don't fucking quit.

This basic day one shit, men. Those who don't apply these expectations are letting strangers with full bladders in their house ready to piss on that unbelievably comfortable Crate & Barrel couch. They will destroy standards ultimately making a mockery of your institution. They are termites in a house. Invasive, greedy, and having a field day eating away the foundation of what you built. It's not easily seen sometimes but it must be addressed immediately. If everyone who does "their own thing" lives without fear of reprimand, they will get comfortable and breed. (gross). Their offspring will inherit these bad habit genetics. Creating an endless feedback loop of garbage in, garbage out. It will ultimately become overridden with sloppiness, selfishness, and mediocrity. Ending with the entire building condemned by the city. An empty shell of its former beauty.

REMEMBER: There is nothing wrong with being a new guy. It's OK if you don't everything. The fastest way to retain knowledge and gain experience is accepting the reality that you don't know what you are doing. Don't be afraid to be vocal about it either. Everyone is a new guy across their entire lifetime. You are new! You are suppose to know nothing that's the best part of being new. Play your part until you get promoted. 

"Those who are not strong

give up and turn to religion, nationalism, democracy,

or some other form of escape." 

- Thus Spoke Zarathustra

MERCH STORE IS OPEN. VOL. III Ranger Panties and Long Sleeves

The merch store is open. 

Long sleeve shirts, stickers, and VOL. III ranger panties available now. buy them or don't.

NO NEW FRIENDS collection

 www.blackmetalfitness.bigcartel.com 

KILL FOR SATAN

WHAT CAN YOU DO IN 52 WEEKS? plus music

"THE GREAT TRUTH IS THERE ISN'T ONE

AND IT ONLY GETS WORSE SINCE THAT CONCLUSION.

THE IRONY OF BEING AN EXTENSION TO NOTHING

AND THE FORCE OF INERTIA IS A VITAL FACTOR." - MGLA

....AND FROM ONE BIRTHED SEVEN.

52 WEEKS

Consider this: There are 52 weeks in a year. If you train your weakest muscle group once a week for an entire year you have 52 opportunities to improve. But 52 is like your excuses, soft.  Forward progression requires commitment. You always do one more of everything your enemy does. This simple trick creates 104 opportunities to dominate. I urge you to embrace this mentality when you decide to stop playing grab-ass with your weak muscle groups and mediocre lifts. Get your entire mortal being on par with the rest of your body. 

In war I want 104 opportunities to kill. If half of those connect I still eliminate the threat. Even if all 52 strikes from the enemy land I will still be standing. Sounds dick-cheese but that doesn't make it any less true.

I  have ceased chasing numbers. I long ago shifted focus on pushing myself toward becoming stronger instead of higher. This drastically changed my entire approach to weightlifting. By turning the goal onto myself instead of an arbitrary number, I reignited my passion and love for physical fitness. Do I want to hit a big number on a big lift? Yes. Am I going to tailor routines, sets, and workouts to achieve that number? Nah.

I want to be a stronger human not a stronger lifter. I desire all aspects of my physical fitness to be tested so I may remain competitive at any given time. I am avoiding being cornered and forced to wear a title. The best way  I can phrase it is I want to not suck  so I can at least compete with the smarter and stronger. To make an effort instead of accepting I cannot do X and therefore will not make an attempt out of fear of humiliation.

trivia: name this film.

DELOAD IS A LIE

LISTEN TO:

Sinoa Caves - Beyond the Black Rainbow Soundtrack. 
I have been in love with this record for years. The film is a gnarly head trip that is too abstract and psychedelic for my attention span. It is an excellent film, but best enjoyed without sound. Ironic considering how mesmerizingly haunting the music is. I recently reinserted  this record back into rotation and its been incredibly rewarding. One of my favorite things to listen to during my workouts.

Slasher Film Festival Strategy - Wet Leather
Strange band name, viscous artwork, and one of the all-time best titles for an album. Instrumental horror music that is slightly on the ambient side but when the jammers surface sporadically it gives me murder chills. If you are into pretending to be a masked intruder endlessly strangling horny teenagers in a nameless Midwestern suburb this is for you.

Sovereign - split with Haunter
Again I will go on record and state this is the best USBM band out right now. Two tracks of visceral punishment. https://sovereignusbm.bandcamp.com

WORKOUTS WORTH YOUR EFFORT AND ATTEMPT

I got a lot of interest from people asking what kind of PT I have been doing and where I get my workouts from. I created a majority of them just piecing together parts of different WOD's I found and adjusted the weight to meet my needs. These are fun and break up the drab routine of lifting heavy weights. These have translated nicely into my strength training routine and overall goal of becoming efficient in exercise.

Warm up:

2 minutes: single leg step up, single leg step up, box jump

1 minute: jump rope

2 minutes: reverse lunge each leg, air squat

A.

(25 pound vest)

15% incline, 3.0 mph on treadmill, carrying 10 pound dumbbells. walk 60 seconds, rest 30 seconds. 10 minutes.

(25 pound vest)

50 over shoulder throws using a 30 - 45 pound medicine ball for time. These should be done unbroken. I got 2:35

squat rack.

bar x 10

1 min rest

95 x 8

1 min

115 2 x 6

1:30 rest

135 2 x 6

1 min rest

185 x 5

2 min rest

225 x 5

3 min rest

275 3 x 5

2 mins rest

315 x 1 per minute till you call it

Immediately following this ladder get a roughly 8-10 minute rest. Go back down to 225 and perform 6 squats with 10 seconds at the top. So every 10 seconds you do one rep. Don't rack the bar keep it on your back the entire set.

B.

Deadlift: 135 x 8 / 185 x 7 / 225 x 6 / 275 x 5 / 315 x 4 / 365 x 3 /

405 x 2 / 455 x 1 / Do 455 for 1 rep with 90 secs rest between each pull. Do enough to make things interesting

Back down the ladder hitting 315 x AMRAP / 225 x AMRAP

C.

LYNNE (HERO WOD)

5 rounds for max reps.

Bench press your body weight

Pull-ups

This is a fucking smoker. Literally top 3 hardest workouts I have ever attempted. The pump is simply ignorant. You do bench press then straight into pull ups. Take a rest and do it again.

D.

For time:

100 wall ball squat n throw

100 weighted sit ups (20 pound dumbbell on your chest)

100 barbell overhead press (65-85lbs.)

50 deadlift 225 pounds

My time: 40:39

E.

6 rounds, for time:

toes to bar x 10

Dumbbell deadlift x 8, (70 pound dumbbells)

F.

Farmer carry 100 pound kettlebells 50 meters.

you stop and deadlift the kettlebells for 1 rep roughly every 10 steps. You do this as fast and efficiently as possible. The intent is moving with purpose. This is not suppose to be fun. You move like you're taking ammo cans to a 50. cal gunner while under direct and effective fire from the enemy with no cover.

2 minutes rest between sets. You must hit 8 rounds at a minimum.

G.

6 rounds, 90-120 second rest between each round:

Bench press 205 x 5

DB thruster 40 pound dumbbells x 6

ROWER WORKOUTS:

Row 2000m in under 8 minutes

Row 500m under 2 minutes

(5 rounds) Row 25 calories, 25 push-ups, 25 pull ups.

heck

This is concludes today's entry. Plenty more content on the way as I remain keeping it consistent. Also, low key heads up: there is new merch coming out this month in the form of VOL. III Ranger Panties, a 4 sided long sleeve, and a couple patches. Excited to get these things out.

STAY GRIM. HIT THE GYM.

QUITTING & CARDIO: topics the weak use best.

"And you call me insane. You are privy to a great becoming, but you recognize nothing. To me, you are a slug in the sun. You are an ant in the afterbirth. It is your nature to do one thing correctly. Before me, you rightly tremble. But, fear is not what you owe me. YOU OWE ME AWE."

CAN'T HACK IT 101: How to Quit Without Actually Quitting 

Methadone Quit: 

Slow and deliberate taper of your presence and effort over a 1-month period with unlimited use of "after ...(thing).... i'll be back at it". This defense is used to enhance interest in yourself which fuels the illusion of not quitting within.

Hardline quit: 

Complete reversal of previous lifestyle. No attempt made to continue healthy habits picked up over the last year. Falls in line with moving out of the city and/or state. Usually back to your hometown where you are then able to start over with a new circle of friends who will never know you actually quit. Aggressive move but more common than you think.

Silent Quit: 

You quit without addressing your leave of absence. You no longer post weightlifting videos but still maintain a strong internet presence showing the other things you are into. Most effective when paired with a new boyfriend or girlfriend. This gives you the ability to do whatever they are into while everyone quickly forgets you ever lifted. 

 Neck-n-Back Quit: 

You sustain a debilitating injury without anyone seeing the actual injury. This leaves no evidence of a single event that can be traced back as the cause of injury. The injury is so bad that you can no longer do ANY form of physical weight lifting to the best of your ability. Remember to pair your injury to your weakest or least favorite exercise. This now gives you the ability to film only your best lifts while constantly listing excuses and reasons in all video posts. This "excuse & reasons" approach discredits negative feedback or judgement. The infinite road of recovery gives you the free pass to maintain cruise control on the highway of mediocre progress. Its keeps people from unfollowing you while maintaining dignity. The most common pairing is knee injury with the squat. The knee is ideal because it excuses you from all forms of running and lower body work but still allows you to deadlift and bench press. Recommended for anyone who isn't very good at squatting or anyone lifting less than 10 months who never played a sport, sleeps all day, is underemployed, and is 35 years or younger.

Running Away: 

You lifted weights and made decent progress but suddenly it started getting much harder than anticipated. After a short break from all thing fitness (where you lose 70% of all gains earned) you get really into running. Running is substantially easier than weight lifting. It feels hard but actually isn't. It affords you the opportunity to sweat while watching America's Got Talent on the treadmill (using a 12-14 minute a mile pace) at the gym. This is incredibly beneficial because you can still tell people you "go to the gym". Another advantage is the ability to call yourself a runner on the internet without posting video proof. You simply use a photo of yourself sweating with the caption "cardio sucks". You can also use a picture of some recently purchased brand new running shoes and a water bottle captioning it with "let's get it". 

"Work Is Crazy" Quit: 

This is the most commonly seen and least contested quit in the field. Work is boring and work that someone who is not you does is even more boring. No one wants details of what exactly is happening at your work which makes this quit so effective. You will never be pressed to elaborate or provide specifics so when in doubt which quit to implement use this one.

New Program On Phone Quit: 

This level of quitting intentionally toes the line of full quit and is the newest, most virulent form of quitting out. You never go outside your comfort zone because as fatigue sets in you are forced to consult the programed spreadsheet on your phone and make sure you know your next set and number of reps. This task takes a minimum of five minutes but I have seen it as long as 8 minutes in some. Most commonly seen in girls but guys are also able to effectively use it. Recommended for people who want the internet to know they are a lifter. This tactic brings more attention to yourself, but you are able to defend accusations of quitting by insisting Instagram is your training log. Make sure your account is set to private. It is easy for anyone to scroll through the last two years of your lifting career and see absolutely no progress or change in both physique and weight.

Seasonal Quit: 

Mediocre results achieved by implementing mediocre work. Once summer starts you are afforded the opportunity to temporarily quit due to a sudden lust for life and fun. By getting too caught up in the pleasures of summer you get to avoid the gym entirely. You must remind people that once summer is over you are starting a bulk cycle and getting back to the grind. Do not panic as this is only a defense tactic. From the months of November-May you are free to exercise as little effort as you see fit. Use with caution because as summer approaches your workload will have to increase slightly in order to make up for six months of wasted time. This is the primary drawback to this quit.

FACT:
Most people's definition of cardio is embarrassing. Somehow cardio has turned into this companion piece to physical fitness and frankly it's insulting. Its gets its own unique block in programing. People prepare for it like their going to prison. It's become fashionable to joke and complain about. "Oh no its cardio. ooooooo. #cardiosucks #doeseatingcountascardio" When I hear someone bitching about cardio or bragging they did cardio, do you know what I hear?  I hear "I am weak." Cardio sucks? fuck you it's suppose to suck. It's hard because you are making it hard. Avoiding hard things doesn't make them any less hard.

"Soft people avoid hard problems"

Check it out. Things are allowed to suck. You are allowed to not like doing certain tasks or dreading portions of your program. That is normal and expected. But please Aristotle, keep your insightful probing on the impossibility of exertion to yourself. AKA shut the fuuuuck uuuuup. Have some goddamn humility and internalize your self pity. Get it done and go on with your life.

Have you ever been assigned a terrible group project that had to be completed on a painfully short deadline? This project (whether for work, school or punishment) has every member in the group very aware of how shitty this assignment is. Now, imagine in that group there is one person who simply will not stop talking about how shitty this project is. Every few minutes this person continues to moan about how bullshit this is. How this is unfair. How it will never get done. I mean in every slight moment of silence this person steals the opportunity of positive group discussion to solve the problem and continually dumps disdain and anger onto everyone. The whole group has reached the verdict that this project sucks. The group agrees and is fully aware how shitty the situation is. No one is arguing otherwise. But regardless of your feelings or opinions it still has to be completed. The person who bitches about cardio, brags how they don't do cardio, or wants a fucking trophy and 200 likes for not dying on a one mile run IS THAT PERSON. We don't need liabilities, we need enablers.

You are looking for sympathy. You will get none from me.

 The worst part of this festering turd trend is how it justifies shitty behavior outside the gym. By that I mean it breeds a false sense of reward so people allow themselves to eat a shit meal, drink more than they should, or skip the gym the next day. There are no cheat days or rewards for people who are not putting in 110% of themselves into every workout every week. You are not special and you have not proven yourself. You don't get to have one good week and a cheat day. Actually I take that back, you get a cheat day. It's the day you cheat yourself out of progress and reaching your goals. Damn, that looks like every other day too, huh?

If your cardio is 15 minutes of half-assed shuffle running you are wrong.

If you are watching TV while doing cardio you are wrong.

If you are not sweating and gasping for air you are wrong.

If your cardio is riding on a bike for an 30 minutes texting/gramming on your phone you are wrong.

If you cardio is walking on the treadmill at the highest incline while leaning back and holding the handles you are wrong.

In fact I would venture to say this is the most flagrant violation of hard work I have seen in gyms. I call this exercise the Lean & Dream. This is the ultimate perpetuation of false reward. The only exercise accomplished here is the illusion of working harder than you did. Please, if you are doing this stop. 2 minutes doing the same exercise with no holding or leaning will produce more results than 20 minutes of the Lean & Dream.

Like the murder weapon found in the suspects apartment with their fingerprints and DNA on it. It cannot be contested.

Doing things that make you uncomfortable is the entire point of exercise. We lift to achieve the state I call comfortably uncomfortable. Comfort is earned. Comfort cannot be appreciated until you have been stripped of every luxury and driven into a workload that is agonizing, difficult, painful, and far beyond anything you have done in any past life.

DON'T QUIT. DON'T COMPLAIN.

DROPPING OUT: your excuses are meaningless. get over yourself.

The market is flooded with rotten, overgrown garbage. People are decorating their rooms before building walls and a roof. The internet gives us infinite access to information and knowledge, which is fucking rad, but at the same time its causing this weird epidemic of people turning their weaknesses and flaws into badges of pride. Like the rash of people feeling sorry for themselves at every oppertunity. Casting these wide sympathy nets on social media looking for others to justify their excuses. "My knee is hurt I can't squat anymore. My back is hurt so I cant deadlift. Since I cant do both of those I am just going to be a fat piece of shit. lol. ugh. amirite? life sucks, I quit". Well walk the fuck out. On YouTube right now you can watch videos of: a body builder with Down Syndrome, a dude with severe muscular dystrophy squatting in a smith rack, a crew of quadruple amputees who train together at the same gym, a blind and deaf guy who kills the weights with the body to back it up, or an 80-something year old great grandmother deadlifting like a champion. But still we are subjected to privileged, able bodied, grown adults sobbing over their tingly ankles and strained muscles like its fucking terminal.

How about you tell the guy with no legs that your knees hurt or go complain to the guy paralyzed from the waist down that your back is hurt and its really messing with you. Those men could do more with a persons hurt knee and wonky back than they ever could. They will take your weakness and make it their strength while you go sit on a park bench and feed the fucking pigeons. A tell-tale sign of weakness is people telling you what they use to do. People who focus on what they can't do. Those people are poisonous. They are crabs in a bucket clawing down anyone attempting to climb out. Misery doesn't love company, it breeds off it.

If you truly live embrace this journey of self-transformation when you are limited by an injury or inconvenience, you fucking figure it out and work around it. Unless your entire body has been chopped off  you will get no sympathy from me. There is always something you can be doing to improve your self, your physique, and your mind. Quit feeling sorry for yourself. Have some goddamn dignity and keep your embarrassingly low level set backs to yourself. Confront your reality, accept it, and keep moving forward. I'll tell you right now I don't fucking care if all you can do is water aerobics. You are not too strong or cool to jump in that pool and get to work. You train for your next fight not your last fight. If you dropout after your first failure then you never belonged in the first place. Make more room for those that want to be here.

If you have truly been injured or had some invasive surgery that requires extensive rest and recovery you will be forced to avoid many thing you used to do for a significant time period. It sucks but its fucking part of life. In that phase of recovery you must ask yourself what do I have to do to be where I was? What can I do now to speed up this process? What am I able to do now? How can I make myself better till I am 100%? Whatever you can do you better do it better than anyone else. That is the mentality of the successful and the strong.

The joke about being a garbage fat piece of shit lifter is dead. I f'real do not care if that is how you wanna live, do it. But when you have consistent shitty lifts and your strength shrivels so much you go from full body workouts to only deadlifting and doing deadlift accessory work, then do not throw a butt-hurt pity party. You know why you regressed. You cornered yourself. Embrace your lifestyle and accept the facts of its consequences or change something so you can keep advancing.

Now I know this is 2017 so everyone is special-beautiful-unique-important and needs to belong. So everywhere you look you will find endless communities of people celebrating all types of mediocrity. They will welcome you with open arms. So go find your support group that blames everyone and everything else and leave me alone. I have no reservations about reminding people that no one is special. We are all a copy of a copy of a copy. You're not the only one, you're not the first, and you're not the last. Get the most from your existence by abandoning your pretentious, self centered universe. Get over yourself.

WE ARE ALL ONE

SIDE NOTE:

Weightlifting culture has turned into one giant sales floor and its leaving me very disillusioned. It feels like a Ponzi scheme run by below average door-to-door salesmen. You don't need money to be strong. Just because someone goes to a gym a few times a week does not qualify them as a fucking spokes model or brand ambassador, it qualifies them as an idiot. A brand ambassador is the internet equivalent of the guy obnoxiously spinning the sign at the intersection advertising the liquidation of a cheap furniture store. Don't be fooled. Spend your money on real food, proper equipment for your discipline, and a locally owned community based location for you to execute. (example: local gym or your basement). Promotional codes are meaningless and insult my intelligence. How about you create something of worth that cant be discounted. Have some pride and trust in your product. Let it speak for itself. If you can't get someone to buy something without giving them a discount then its worthless. You pay for what you get. Things go on sale for a reason. Either no one wants it, its defective, or it needs to go.

STAY GRIM. HIT THE GYM.

1 PERCENT OF THE WORLDS POPULATION DIES EVERY YEAR.

x

"Self-awareness, reason, and imagination have disrupted the “harmony” that characterizes animal existence. Their emergence has made man into an anomaly, the freak of the universe. 

He is part of nature, subject to her physical laws and unable to change them, yet he transcends nature. He is set apart while being a part; he is homeless, yet chained to the home he shares with all creatures. Cast into this world at an accidental place and time, he is forced out of it accidentally and against his will. Being aware of himself, he realizes his powerlessness and the limitations of his existence. He is never free from the dichotomy of his existence: he cannot rid himself of his mind, even if he would want to; he cannot rid himself of his body as long as he is alive – and his body makes him want to be alive."

 - Erich Fromm (Anatomy of Human Destructiveness)

"Mother, tell your runners not to walk my way."

Running is the worst way to get fit

Here is a brief but excellent article on why running long distances at a bullshit pace is doing nothing for you. It echos what I have said since this blog started, bursts of intensity with frequent periods of rest (sprints, HIIT) are what you do if you want to burn fat and build muscle.

"it's true that exertion improves heart health and cardio-respiratory capacity.....but running is too middle-of-the-road to be a particularly effective... Just like curling a weight a hundred times won't boost strength as well as a small number of heavier sets, exercising the heart at a higher intensity is a better way to get the job done."

I'm going to have to ask you to step off the sidewalk and stop fucking up the foot traffic of this crowded pedestrian zone. Are you lost? I'm citing you for being a showboating prick. The only reason I'm not arresting you is because you at least have your shirt on. Sir, you are aware it is 2100 on a Saturday night, correct? Get a goddamn treadmill since you just have to run at this inconvenient time of the evening for EVERY SINGLE PERSON that is not you.

I AM A CUP TO BE FILLED WITH THE WRATH OF HELL

 

With the changing seasons comes a change in routine. Join me in a moment of silence please, as we box, bury, and say our final goodbyes to the beloved tank tops and sleeveless shirts. May they rest easy in the back of our closets till God calls them back next year. (RIP Tank Top 2016-2016) (RIP Sleeveless Shirts 2016-2016 "In God's Hands Now"). 

Wear the same shitty beanie, flannel, hoodie, and long sleeve every single day. No Variety, No Options. Much like your heart, pick an outfit void of color and show up to work. We can't waste any effort making decisions not related to weightlifting. 

The bodies of all the lifters who couldn't handle the reality of what is about to be said....

 Delete your 90-day Hollywood cut-shred-dryout-competition routines. In fact, fuck all the vanilla strict Excel spreadsheet programing that is plaguing weightlifting the past few years. STOP OUTSOURCING YOUR EFFORT, STOP OUTSOURCING YOUR LIFTS! Don't read me wrong, there is a time/place for that strict programing stuff, but unless your squatting a 1,000 lbs. in the Olympics, doing your own workouts for an indefinite amount of time will not prevent you from getting stronger. Routines and programs teach novices sooooo much about yourself and what you are capable of. But its important to ask "cant you do that too?" Again, not dismissing specific programs. I have been jerking off Smolov Squat on this blog for the last three years. If it works for you than fuck me. I mean that. Keep doing your thing, this does not apply to you. 

It just frustrates me much wore than it actually should when I see people getting trapped in that spreadsheet programing black hole thats plugged in with unnecessarily complected hi-speed equations about the velocity of their hips in conjunction with the speed of the bar, given its rate and tempo while in relation to the motion of the lifters kinematics compared to his overall vector quality (those are literally all different ways to say the damn thing moved in a direction at this speed). The by the book programing routine gets toxic after relentless use. A toxin is anything capable of disease or a reaction that can become deadly to your body. That means that even water, the thing that facilitates all essential processes of life, is a toxin in the right amounts. Having every single lift, set, breath, rest, and rep planned for you for the next 4 months is boring, eliminates creativity, and will eventually kill you mentally, if not physically. What are you scared of? Having fun, surprising yourself, finding something that works? Let go of the hand that helped you walk so you can run. We are not dumb. We can figure out how many of X it takes to see results. 

Walk with me here, I'm getting a lil' abstract but, we gotta take this "community mentality" out of weightlifting. When did everyone become certified to tell other people what they have to do? This is about you. This is your body. Strength is relative, its YOUR strength, even if someone coached you or helped you, it is still only your strength. Don't lie to yourself, YOU KNOW when you pulled back from a lift session. Deep inside you know you could have done a few more reps. Stop letting other people dictate your lack of progress. Start taking some personal responsibility and be accountable for what you do and fail to do. Go off script and really test yourself in the gym. I promise you will learn just as much about your abilities as any online coaching counseling consulting firm. Don't ever forget this is suppose to be fun. If you are not happy then you are in the wrong line of work. We lift because we love it, even if we hate ourselves.

A program-fetish lifter and his two "coaches".

Also, fuck portion control. Eat how much you need to get what you want done. We gotta eat cause were going primal. Full retard. Back to nausea inducing hard work and ignorant dedication. We gotta fill out these winter flannels and hoodies. Increased fabric on our physique will not deter us. If anything, we now work twice as hard in gym and kitchen. How else are the civilians gonna know who fucking lifts? It's our duty to make sure milk-drinkers, betas, and busters know the difference between the meatheads who eat bricks while shitting glass and the weekend warrior who only peaks in the summer (with his shirt off.) Nothing is more impressive than a heavily clothed man with the ability to confirm to strangers 10 feet away that he does indeed lift. I'm talking pecs, traps, and lats daddy. Rugby shoulders, Pat Tillman necks, Notre Dame backs, Twin Sitter necks, and breast plate Kevlar pecs.

Fuck up these muscles from every angle. Fuck everything and everybody. The season of the Meat Locker is here. Get wide. Think thick. Increase density. Become savage. Fixate on true self-improvement. Give strangers a reason to stay away from you. The expectations for self are exponentially higher from now on. No shape shifting or fence walking. Join the winning team. This is your fault if you fail and your responsibility when you succeed. Which I know you will. I know you will do what it takes to elevate your alpha mentality, but do YOU know it? Get in the weight room and fucking figure it out. Were out here waiting on you to join the ranks. Create so much mass that if I threw you into the ocean you will sink faster than a stone. Fuck man, get a neck tattoo. What better year than this to ruin your life? P.S. - Heavyweights is on Netflix right now. 

use it, pussy.

STAY GRIM. HIT THE GYM.