BEYOND THE MUSCLE: Vintage Bodybuilding Culture. A Call For It's Return.

The content of this blog is not necessarily dense, but admittedly I stay pretty serious face when I write. This is because I care. I have passion in my craft of lifting weights, talking about lifting weights, reading about lifting weights, and most importantly writing about lifting weights. To me it is more than a hobby or a lifestyle. Weightlifting and things affiliated with it are an extension of my being as a human. I don’t know how else to explain it without creeping you out. So I am just gonna leave it at that. Point is,  I'm so focused and obsessed with myself and everyone else who carry the torch of real strength that the only way I can lay my eggs of motivation into peoples brains is with intensity.

But even the darkest and most corrupted trigger man has to lighten up (but only when no ones looking.) Not really….but srsly. So I’m shifting gears and putting this thing in reverse. Were going on a field trip, brothers. You don’t know where you’re going, if you don’t know where you’ve been. I’m taking you to a place in time where vanity, pride, excess, and fame was the standard operating procedure. Where modesty was an insult. When life was simple and people were put into two groups: 1) You had muscles. 2) You were boring. If you haven’t guessed by now we are going to walk the halls of the single greatest decade in the history of Bodybuilding. The golden age of roid rage, the decade of decadence, 1980’s Gym Culture.

Even your redneck as fuck, drug dealing cousin from central Florida was hitting weights.

Before we go any further I want to go on the record and say that I am 100% serious about everything I will be showcasing. My commentary is true. I’m patiently waiting on this level of beauty to bloom once more. The best way to make this a reality starts with YOU, the reader. Live your life by the same code these buff bastards lived. Never miss an opportunity to flex. If you friends don’t lift weights, they are not your friends. The more buff guys there are in one collective group the better your life will be. If you shirt or shorts are too small, go down a size. Chicks wont bang a guy who squats 405lbs, Chicks will bang a guy who LOOKS like he squats 405lbs. HAILS! Let us respect the muscles who came before us. May we absorb their wisdom and ethics like a cheap white gym towel. Bow your heads and say with me …….

“In the name of The Squat, The Bench Press and The Holy Deadlift. Amen.”

QUESTION: IS IT STILL A MUSCLE CAR IF THE MUSCLE AND CAR ARE SEPARATE?

Do enough digging around in the back catalogs of FLEX magazine or google searching "80's BB (bodybuilders will from here on be abbreviated as BB) you will undoubtedly spot a familiar trend of weirdly buff dudes awkwardly posing in front of, what I assume, are their cars. This is an advanced maneuver. Is this a photo of Doug in front of his car OR Is this a photo of Doug's car and he is standing there? They had it down to a science. I cannot decipher between the two, which means that no one can complain about Doug being vain. It deflects mockery by posing this paradox. "Aye, fuck you Mick. The wife wants a photo of our car, she takes the damn photo. I swear you cant tell her nuttin'." Case fucking closed. You are now forced to mire' both Doug's chiseled physique and his very clean automobile.

"Picture me rollin in my 500 Benz with my 500 Bench max."

Exhibit B

Exhibit C

The Triple Threat: you know who he is, you know what he drives, and you know where he lifts. No further questions your honor.

If I may contradict my argument, There are rare instances where you simply cannot fool a man. If the guy shows up in the photo with a thong and gold chain we know your angle. Appreciate the effort buddy but stick to the stage, its much easier than real life. (still mirin' the.chest to lat separation though. respect,)

OK, last car themed photo I promise. I just want you observe the the "Hardstyle" pose in its infancy. Notice how both participants have slight knee bends. Proof of the Hardstyle's eventual evolution into full knee-to-ground contact. Also note this man gives the lady the right-of-way for outside bicep privilege.Very courteous move, but upon further inspection you will observe the left arm curled inward and well flexed. Quite possibly stronger of the two. An the extremely rare siting of both female flattery and showcasing the males best feature. Seeing the subtle complexities of the Hardstyle pose in its developing stages really brings a new appreciation of its evolution.

In times before digital cameras or smart phones with filters you had only one camera and one filter. The "Low Ceiling Basement Lighting" filter. This was the only location in the entire house able to do your figure justice was. Finished or un-finished, it didn't matter. The low ceilings provided that optimallighting that draped over every inch of your curves and cuts like a luxurious sex robe. The basement was the preferred filter for generations of men dying to document their gains. No one saw these photos either. The dude took them strictly for himself. The photos kept like treasured relics in scrapbooks across attics coast to coast.  Relics that would be unearthed by zit faced teens searching for nudie magazines in the twilight of Grandpas life. "Look here grandson...Grandpa wasn't always a shriveled sun grape. I woulda whooped your ass." You can hear this guy yelling at his wife to come downstairs and take some photos of him after his bicep super set. She likely finished the roll and was forced to immediately drop the film roll off at the local pharmacy.

Real recognized real. Big dudes were friends with other big dudes. Not by choice, by necessity. The more big dudes in one location, the bigger everyone looked. I call it Muscular Conjugation, A transfer of genetic material between two lifters. The muscley genetics transferred from one physique to the nearest neighboring physique. Which is beneficial to both hosts, thus increasing the overall strength of a buff dude colony. 

Similar to Muscular Conjugation we have what is known as "Anabolic synergism." Again, the mechanism of action occurs when a colony of buff dudes and their buff girlfriends formed in a public space. Anabolic synergism is most often seen when multiple bodybuilders are pressed together for a photo opportunity. Their builds become stronger and bigger than if just a single BB was present.

Not a single ounce of irony in this photo. It's what Iron Madien would look like if they spent more time weightlifting instead of logging flight hours for a pilots license So they can play a 4 hour set in Lima Peru.

So many avenues of approach in this gem. Could spend an hour writing about this so I will let the reader indulge themselves in this one. I do, however, want to bring your attention to the middle mans shirt. It is literally a shirt that says Vitamins. It has a picture of vitamins below it. Fuck. Brilliant. Is this shirt part of a series? Is there another that says "Protein" with a scoop of whey below it? Is there one that says "Food" and features a steak with a glass of milk? I need to know goddamnit. Who made this shirt?!

Obviously without social media how is a lifter suppose to stroke his ego? How is the lifter gonna let the betas know hes out there? You know what they did? They used their own money to buy ad space in a muscle magazine. Respect. That means whatever picture was hitting the presses had to be your absolute best work possible because that's the only one people would see (plus you fucking paid for it). I like this idea better. So instead of flooding the public with shitty pictures of a temporary physique, you only brought out the big guns.

While I'm on the subject here are some gain photos that need to stop. The 20 min. arm pump, the appearance of a obscure basilic or cephalic vein that cannot even be measured with a small ruler, the full mirror gym selfie of someone who is not sweating, any picture in a bathroom with the toilet visible, and a photo that is both out of focus and visibly heavily filtered. Look, I'm the document your progress guy 100% no doubt. A little vanity is good for the human condition. Pictures are crucial in motivation and reflection. But I'm pleading with gym culture to please bring an end to the hour by hour update of what your building. It ruins the transformation and makes even people making big strides look thirsty as fuck. Not every workout needs a photo. Weightlifting ins a tricky balance between vanity and humility. Close the curtains, get to work, and come out when you have actually built something worth showing.

So much more to cover. I could write for days about this topic and all its glory. I'll save the rest for another post otherwise this thing will never get published. Too easy to get lost in a wormhole of oiled & thick physiques. 

The legendary Scott Hall. None greater.

Doug Young is not concerned with your macros count. Your mobility does not impress him.

 
And now I leave you with the hardest, most savage, black metal friendly wrestling tag-team to ever step inside the ring. Ax and Smash. Pioneers of both the bloated powerlifting guy look and the wet leather black masked assailant villain that haunted your dreams as a youth look. 


DEMOLITION

inspired to craft my own Demoliton mask now.

STAY GRIM.