QUITTING & CARDIO: topics the weak use best.

"And you call me insane. You are privy to a great becoming, but you recognize nothing. To me, you are a slug in the sun. You are an ant in the afterbirth. It is your nature to do one thing correctly. Before me, you rightly tremble. But, fear is not what you owe me. YOU OWE ME AWE."

CAN'T HACK IT 101: How to Quit Without Actually Quitting 

Methadone Quit: 

Slow and deliberate taper of your presence and effort over a 1-month period with unlimited use of "after ...(thing).... i'll be back at it". This defense is used to enhance interest in yourself which fuels the illusion of not quitting within.

Hardline quit: 

Complete reversal of previous lifestyle. No attempt made to continue healthy habits picked up over the last year. Falls in line with moving out of the city and/or state. Usually back to your hometown where you are then able to start over with a new circle of friends who will never know you actually quit. Aggressive move but more common than you think.

Silent Quit: 

You quit without addressing your leave of absence. You no longer post weightlifting videos but still maintain a strong internet presence showing the other things you are into. Most effective when paired with a new boyfriend or girlfriend. This gives you the ability to do whatever they are into while everyone quickly forgets you ever lifted. 

 Neck-n-Back Quit: 

You sustain a debilitating injury without anyone seeing the actual injury. This leaves no evidence of a single event that can be traced back as the cause of injury. The injury is so bad that you can no longer do ANY form of physical weight lifting to the best of your ability. Remember to pair your injury to your weakest or least favorite exercise. This now gives you the ability to film only your best lifts while constantly listing excuses and reasons in all video posts. This "excuse & reasons" approach discredits negative feedback or judgement. The infinite road of recovery gives you the free pass to maintain cruise control on the highway of mediocre progress. Its keeps people from unfollowing you while maintaining dignity. The most common pairing is knee injury with the squat. The knee is ideal because it excuses you from all forms of running and lower body work but still allows you to deadlift and bench press. Recommended for anyone who isn't very good at squatting or anyone lifting less than 10 months who never played a sport, sleeps all day, is underemployed, and is 35 years or younger.

Running Away: 

You lifted weights and made decent progress but suddenly it started getting much harder than anticipated. After a short break from all thing fitness (where you lose 70% of all gains earned) you get really into running. Running is substantially easier than weight lifting. It feels hard but actually isn't. It affords you the opportunity to sweat while watching America's Got Talent on the treadmill (using a 12-14 minute a mile pace) at the gym. This is incredibly beneficial because you can still tell people you "go to the gym". Another advantage is the ability to call yourself a runner on the internet without posting video proof. You simply use a photo of yourself sweating with the caption "cardio sucks". You can also use a picture of some recently purchased brand new running shoes and a water bottle captioning it with "let's get it". 

"Work Is Crazy" Quit: 

This is the most commonly seen and least contested quit in the field. Work is boring and work that someone who is not you does is even more boring. No one wants details of what exactly is happening at your work which makes this quit so effective. You will never be pressed to elaborate or provide specifics so when in doubt which quit to implement use this one.

New Program On Phone Quit: 

This level of quitting intentionally toes the line of full quit and is the newest, most virulent form of quitting out. You never go outside your comfort zone because as fatigue sets in you are forced to consult the programed spreadsheet on your phone and make sure you know your next set and number of reps. This task takes a minimum of five minutes but I have seen it as long as 8 minutes in some. Most commonly seen in girls but guys are also able to effectively use it. Recommended for people who want the internet to know they are a lifter. This tactic brings more attention to yourself, but you are able to defend accusations of quitting by insisting Instagram is your training log. Make sure your account is set to private. It is easy for anyone to scroll through the last two years of your lifting career and see absolutely no progress or change in both physique and weight.

Seasonal Quit: 

Mediocre results achieved by implementing mediocre work. Once summer starts you are afforded the opportunity to temporarily quit due to a sudden lust for life and fun. By getting too caught up in the pleasures of summer you get to avoid the gym entirely. You must remind people that once summer is over you are starting a bulk cycle and getting back to the grind. Do not panic as this is only a defense tactic. From the months of November-May you are free to exercise as little effort as you see fit. Use with caution because as summer approaches your workload will have to increase slightly in order to make up for six months of wasted time. This is the primary drawback to this quit.

FACT:
Most people's definition of cardio is embarrassing. Somehow cardio has turned into this companion piece to physical fitness and frankly it's insulting. Its gets its own unique block in programing. People prepare for it like their going to prison. It's become fashionable to joke and complain about. "Oh no its cardio. ooooooo. #cardiosucks #doeseatingcountascardio" When I hear someone bitching about cardio or bragging they did cardio, do you know what I hear?  I hear "I am weak." Cardio sucks? fuck you it's suppose to suck. It's hard because you are making it hard. Avoiding hard things doesn't make them any less hard.

"Soft people avoid hard problems"

Check it out. Things are allowed to suck. You are allowed to not like doing certain tasks or dreading portions of your program. That is normal and expected. But please Aristotle, keep your insightful probing on the impossibility of exertion to yourself. AKA shut the fuuuuck uuuuup. Have some goddamn humility and internalize your self pity. Get it done and go on with your life.

Have you ever been assigned a terrible group project that had to be completed on a painfully short deadline? This project (whether for work, school or punishment) has every member in the group very aware of how shitty this assignment is. Now, imagine in that group there is one person who simply will not stop talking about how shitty this project is. Every few minutes this person continues to moan about how bullshit this is. How this is unfair. How it will never get done. I mean in every slight moment of silence this person steals the opportunity of positive group discussion to solve the problem and continually dumps disdain and anger onto everyone. The whole group has reached the verdict that this project sucks. The group agrees and is fully aware how shitty the situation is. No one is arguing otherwise. But regardless of your feelings or opinions it still has to be completed. The person who bitches about cardio, brags how they don't do cardio, or wants a fucking trophy and 200 likes for not dying on a one mile run IS THAT PERSON. We don't need liabilities, we need enablers.

You are looking for sympathy. You will get none from me.

 The worst part of this festering turd trend is how it justifies shitty behavior outside the gym. By that I mean it breeds a false sense of reward so people allow themselves to eat a shit meal, drink more than they should, or skip the gym the next day. There are no cheat days or rewards for people who are not putting in 110% of themselves into every workout every week. You are not special and you have not proven yourself. You don't get to have one good week and a cheat day. Actually I take that back, you get a cheat day. It's the day you cheat yourself out of progress and reaching your goals. Damn, that looks like every other day too, huh?

If your cardio is 15 minutes of half-assed shuffle running you are wrong.

If you are watching TV while doing cardio you are wrong.

If you are not sweating and gasping for air you are wrong.

If your cardio is riding on a bike for an 30 minutes texting/gramming on your phone you are wrong.

If you cardio is walking on the treadmill at the highest incline while leaning back and holding the handles you are wrong.

In fact I would venture to say this is the most flagrant violation of hard work I have seen in gyms. I call this exercise the Lean & Dream. This is the ultimate perpetuation of false reward. The only exercise accomplished here is the illusion of working harder than you did. Please, if you are doing this stop. 2 minutes doing the same exercise with no holding or leaning will produce more results than 20 minutes of the Lean & Dream.

Like the murder weapon found in the suspects apartment with their fingerprints and DNA on it. It cannot be contested.

Doing things that make you uncomfortable is the entire point of exercise. We lift to achieve the state I call comfortably uncomfortable. Comfort is earned. Comfort cannot be appreciated until you have been stripped of every luxury and driven into a workload that is agonizing, difficult, painful, and far beyond anything you have done in any past life.

DON'T QUIT. DON'T COMPLAIN.

DROPPING OUT: your excuses are meaningless. get over yourself.

The market is flooded with rotten, overgrown garbage. People are decorating their rooms before building walls and a roof. The internet gives us infinite access to information and knowledge, which is fucking rad, but at the same time its causing this weird epidemic of people turning their weaknesses and flaws into badges of pride. Like the rash of people feeling sorry for themselves at every oppertunity. Casting these wide sympathy nets on social media looking for others to justify their excuses. "My knee is hurt I can't squat anymore. My back is hurt so I cant deadlift. Since I cant do both of those I am just going to be a fat piece of shit. lol. ugh. amirite? life sucks, I quit". Well walk the fuck out. On YouTube right now you can watch videos of: a body builder with Down Syndrome, a dude with severe muscular dystrophy squatting in a smith rack, a crew of quadruple amputees who train together at the same gym, a blind and deaf guy who kills the weights with the body to back it up, or an 80-something year old great grandmother deadlifting like a champion. But still we are subjected to privileged, able bodied, grown adults sobbing over their tingly ankles and strained muscles like its fucking terminal.

How about you tell the guy with no legs that your knees hurt or go complain to the guy paralyzed from the waist down that your back is hurt and its really messing with you. Those men could do more with a persons hurt knee and wonky back than they ever could. They will take your weakness and make it their strength while you go sit on a park bench and feed the fucking pigeons. A tell-tale sign of weakness is people telling you what they use to do. People who focus on what they can't do. Those people are poisonous. They are crabs in a bucket clawing down anyone attempting to climb out. Misery doesn't love company, it breeds off it.

If you truly live embrace this journey of self-transformation when you are limited by an injury or inconvenience, you fucking figure it out and work around it. Unless your entire body has been chopped off  you will get no sympathy from me. There is always something you can be doing to improve your self, your physique, and your mind. Quit feeling sorry for yourself. Have some goddamn dignity and keep your embarrassingly low level set backs to yourself. Confront your reality, accept it, and keep moving forward. I'll tell you right now I don't fucking care if all you can do is water aerobics. You are not too strong or cool to jump in that pool and get to work. You train for your next fight not your last fight. If you dropout after your first failure then you never belonged in the first place. Make more room for those that want to be here.

If you have truly been injured or had some invasive surgery that requires extensive rest and recovery you will be forced to avoid many thing you used to do for a significant time period. It sucks but its fucking part of life. In that phase of recovery you must ask yourself what do I have to do to be where I was? What can I do now to speed up this process? What am I able to do now? How can I make myself better till I am 100%? Whatever you can do you better do it better than anyone else. That is the mentality of the successful and the strong.

The joke about being a garbage fat piece of shit lifter is dead. I f'real do not care if that is how you wanna live, do it. But when you have consistent shitty lifts and your strength shrivels so much you go from full body workouts to only deadlifting and doing deadlift accessory work, then do not throw a butt-hurt pity party. You know why you regressed. You cornered yourself. Embrace your lifestyle and accept the facts of its consequences or change something so you can keep advancing.

Now I know this is 2017 so everyone is special-beautiful-unique-important and needs to belong. So everywhere you look you will find endless communities of people celebrating all types of mediocrity. They will welcome you with open arms. So go find your support group that blames everyone and everything else and leave me alone. I have no reservations about reminding people that no one is special. We are all a copy of a copy of a copy. You're not the only one, you're not the first, and you're not the last. Get the most from your existence by abandoning your pretentious, self centered universe. Get over yourself.

WE ARE ALL ONE

SIDE NOTE:

Weightlifting culture has turned into one giant sales floor and its leaving me very disillusioned. It feels like a Ponzi scheme run by below average door-to-door salesmen. You don't need money to be strong. Just because someone goes to a gym a few times a week does not qualify them as a fucking spokes model or brand ambassador, it qualifies them as an idiot. A brand ambassador is the internet equivalent of the guy obnoxiously spinning the sign at the intersection advertising the liquidation of a cheap furniture store. Don't be fooled. Spend your money on real food, proper equipment for your discipline, and a locally owned community based location for you to execute. (example: local gym or your basement). Promotional codes are meaningless and insult my intelligence. How about you create something of worth that cant be discounted. Have some pride and trust in your product. Let it speak for itself. If you can't get someone to buy something without giving them a discount then its worthless. You pay for what you get. Things go on sale for a reason. Either no one wants it, its defective, or it needs to go.

STAY GRIM. HIT THE GYM.

1 PERCENT OF THE WORLDS POPULATION DIES EVERY YEAR.

x

"Self-awareness, reason, and imagination have disrupted the “harmony” that characterizes animal existence. Their emergence has made man into an anomaly, the freak of the universe. 

He is part of nature, subject to her physical laws and unable to change them, yet he transcends nature. He is set apart while being a part; he is homeless, yet chained to the home he shares with all creatures. Cast into this world at an accidental place and time, he is forced out of it accidentally and against his will. Being aware of himself, he realizes his powerlessness and the limitations of his existence. He is never free from the dichotomy of his existence: he cannot rid himself of his mind, even if he would want to; he cannot rid himself of his body as long as he is alive – and his body makes him want to be alive."

 - Erich Fromm (Anatomy of Human Destructiveness)

"Mother, tell your runners not to walk my way."

Running is the worst way to get fit

Here is a brief but excellent article on why running long distances at a bullshit pace is doing nothing for you. It echos what I have said since this blog started, bursts of intensity with frequent periods of rest (sprints, HIIT) are what you do if you want to burn fat and build muscle.

"it's true that exertion improves heart health and cardio-respiratory capacity.....but running is too middle-of-the-road to be a particularly effective... Just like curling a weight a hundred times won't boost strength as well as a small number of heavier sets, exercising the heart at a higher intensity is a better way to get the job done."

I'm going to have to ask you to step off the sidewalk and stop fucking up the foot traffic of this crowded pedestrian zone. Are you lost? I'm citing you for being a showboating prick. The only reason I'm not arresting you is because you at least have your shirt on. Sir, you are aware it is 2100 on a Saturday night, correct? Get a goddamn treadmill since you just have to run at this inconvenient time of the evening for EVERY SINGLE PERSON that is not you.

I AM A CUP TO BE FILLED WITH THE WRATH OF HELL

 

With the changing seasons comes a change in routine. Join me in a moment of silence please, as we box, bury, and say our final goodbyes to the beloved tank tops and sleeveless shirts. May they rest easy in the back of our closets till God calls them back next year. (RIP Tank Top 2016-2016) (RIP Sleeveless Shirts 2016-2016 "In God's Hands Now"). 

Wear the same shitty beanie, flannel, hoodie, and long sleeve every single day. No Variety, No Options. Much like your heart, pick an outfit void of color and show up to work. We can't waste any effort making decisions not related to weightlifting. 

The bodies of all the lifters who couldn't handle the reality of what is about to be said....

 Delete your 90-day Hollywood cut-shred-dryout-competition routines. In fact, fuck all the vanilla strict Excel spreadsheet programing that is plaguing weightlifting the past few years. STOP OUTSOURCING YOUR EFFORT, STOP OUTSOURCING YOUR LIFTS! Don't read me wrong, there is a time/place for that strict programing stuff, but unless your squatting a 1,000 lbs. in the Olympics, doing your own workouts for an indefinite amount of time will not prevent you from getting stronger. Routines and programs teach novices sooooo much about yourself and what you are capable of. But its important to ask "cant you do that too?" Again, not dismissing specific programs. I have been jerking off Smolov Squat on this blog for the last three years. If it works for you than fuck me. I mean that. Keep doing your thing, this does not apply to you. 

It just frustrates me much wore than it actually should when I see people getting trapped in that spreadsheet programing black hole thats plugged in with unnecessarily complected hi-speed equations about the velocity of their hips in conjunction with the speed of the bar, given its rate and tempo while in relation to the motion of the lifters kinematics compared to his overall vector quality (those are literally all different ways to say the damn thing moved in a direction at this speed). The by the book programing routine gets toxic after relentless use. A toxin is anything capable of disease or a reaction that can become deadly to your body. That means that even water, the thing that facilitates all essential processes of life, is a toxin in the right amounts. Having every single lift, set, breath, rest, and rep planned for you for the next 4 months is boring, eliminates creativity, and will eventually kill you mentally, if not physically. What are you scared of? Having fun, surprising yourself, finding something that works? Let go of the hand that helped you walk so you can run. We are not dumb. We can figure out how many of X it takes to see results. 

Walk with me here, I'm getting a lil' abstract but, we gotta take this "community mentality" out of weightlifting. When did everyone become certified to tell other people what they have to do? This is about you. This is your body. Strength is relative, its YOUR strength, even if someone coached you or helped you, it is still only your strength. Don't lie to yourself, YOU KNOW when you pulled back from a lift session. Deep inside you know you could have done a few more reps. Stop letting other people dictate your lack of progress. Start taking some personal responsibility and be accountable for what you do and fail to do. Go off script and really test yourself in the gym. I promise you will learn just as much about your abilities as any online coaching counseling consulting firm. Don't ever forget this is suppose to be fun. If you are not happy then you are in the wrong line of work. We lift because we love it, even if we hate ourselves.

A program-fetish lifter and his two "coaches".

Also, fuck portion control. Eat how much you need to get what you want done. We gotta eat cause were going primal. Full retard. Back to nausea inducing hard work and ignorant dedication. We gotta fill out these winter flannels and hoodies. Increased fabric on our physique will not deter us. If anything, we now work twice as hard in gym and kitchen. How else are the civilians gonna know who fucking lifts? It's our duty to make sure milk-drinkers, betas, and busters know the difference between the meatheads who eat bricks while shitting glass and the weekend warrior who only peaks in the summer (with his shirt off.) Nothing is more impressive than a heavily clothed man with the ability to confirm to strangers 10 feet away that he does indeed lift. I'm talking pecs, traps, and lats daddy. Rugby shoulders, Pat Tillman necks, Notre Dame backs, Twin Sitter necks, and breast plate Kevlar pecs.

Fuck up these muscles from every angle. Fuck everything and everybody. The season of the Meat Locker is here. Get wide. Think thick. Increase density. Become savage. Fixate on true self-improvement. Give strangers a reason to stay away from you. The expectations for self are exponentially higher from now on. No shape shifting or fence walking. Join the winning team. This is your fault if you fail and your responsibility when you succeed. Which I know you will. I know you will do what it takes to elevate your alpha mentality, but do YOU know it? Get in the weight room and fucking figure it out. Were out here waiting on you to join the ranks. Create so much mass that if I threw you into the ocean you will sink faster than a stone. Fuck man, get a neck tattoo. What better year than this to ruin your life? P.S. - Heavyweights is on Netflix right now. 

use it, pussy.

STAY GRIM. HIT THE GYM.

NOW PLAYING: BLACK METAL RECOMMENDATIONS FOR LIFTERS IN 2016.

you can be apart of it or....you can be it.

"People overestimate what they can do in a year and underestimate what they can do in a decade."

 I was a guest on episode 4 of the Rockwell Barbell Strongcast a few days ago. Lawrence Scott the shot caller/owner/acting first sergeant/close friend is the host. Lars is a solid, strong, blue collar, dude with over 10 years of experience in powerlifting, personal training, and corrective training. Tune in and listen to him and I discuss the roots of Black Metal Fitness, training mentality, importance of mobility, and share stories/examples of our weightlifting journey. Subscribe to the podcast if you like what you hear because I will be featured on a few other episodes of the podcast in the very near future. Links are below.

ROCKWELL BARBELL EPISODE 4: BLACK METAL FITNESS  

iTunes Podcast page for Rockwell Barbell Podcast  

I have been on a self imposed ban of black metal and most genres of extreme metal. I do this because it consumes so much of who I am and my energy that I find myself in an endless wormhole of music. Like a junkie needing a fix looking for the next high. To combat this I taper of off music to build my tolerance back up. I find it cathartic to step away for an undetermined amount of time. Black metal sincerely resonates with me and is truly my favorite kind of music. It has a reaching impact into my daily life both positively and negatively. Surely some of you can relate. This is why I haven't posted any music recommendations or playlists in quite some time. The break allows my ears and head to clear, so when I dive back into the abyss I am able to experience it as a first time listener all over again.

 

You may be glad to hear I have lifted my self imposed ban and have resumed channeling my mental energy and thoughts back into the music. I expect this to have a profound impact on my weightlifting. I feel my inspiration and intensity reappearing. My violence of action in the weight room and in life has sharpened. So while I put the finishing touches on the Vol. III Black Metal Fitness Playlist I will share with you what albums have been in heavy rotation for me.

Cloak - 7"

This 7' is only 2 songs but they are reeeeeeally fucking good songs. Their sound is hard to pin down because it transcends genres. Watain, Khold, Tribulation, In Solitude, Shining, Reinkaos-era Dissection, Midnight.... If you like just one song from any of those bands, then you will like this band. It is already being pegged as"occult rock" but its much more than that. This is not that soft, "look we have a girl in the band", vaguely satanic but actually PG-rated new-age pagans with floppy hats and vests, pentagram-n-catholic candles garbage. This is sinister. These men practice the craft they sing about. Sean, their drummer, is a long time, basically childhood, friend of mine and has kept me in the loop about the workings of Cloak since its inception. I have been frothing at the mouth for tracks because I know how talented and sincere they are. I cannot stress enough how many times I have listened to both of these songs back to back. Its hypnotic, crushing, borderline arena rock anthems about all things Satanic are unmatched. It's littered with hooks, riffs, headbanging, and dark melody. This entire description still makes me feel like I sold this band short of what they truly offer. Its difficult to put into words how memorizing this 7' is and I firmly believe that is their intention. To pull you in and leave an impression that is felt not heard. They literally signed to Season Of Mist records last week so join the circle of Cloak now. Do not be late to this invocation.

CLOAK on Bandcamp
CLOAK on Facebook

Plaga - Magia Gwiezdnej Entropii

Polish black metal. I shouldn't have to say anything else. Hard to find anything about this band since this record came out a few years ago but I hope they are in hiding creating another masterpiece for us black metal ultra nerds.

Furia - Nocel

Seriously the best kept secret in all of black metal. I cant seem to find anyone who is tracking this band. Once again Poland proving that they are ground zero for relevant black metal these days. Furia have many albums to choose from because they have been around since like '96. This is their most recent LP and is on rotation because of its high production value. Don't let the cover fool you this is not some arthouse, atmospheric, post black metal, interpretive garbage. This is punishing black metal. If you like Mgla this record this will curb your withdrawal symptoms. They have some connection to Massemord but I cant figure out exactly. They both promote letting the world burn with a shared logo.

Tragedy - Vengeance

The greatest opening track of any album ever recorded. It will give you chills. That down tempo shift half way through will give you a salted erection. The 3rd track is highly recommended.

Shining - V. Halmstad

One of the hardest album covers ever. Fitting for this flawless record of the most memorable riffs in black metal. You will want to kill yourself because its that depressing or because its that fucking good.

 Shining - Everyone, Everything, Everywhere, Ends

Some questionable tracks on this album but the ones that stick hit hard as fuck. Plus the title of this album is fucking grim. I want that on a T-shirt.

 Inquisition - Bloodshed Celestial

Their brand new record. Didn't think it was possible to top Invoking "The Majestic Throne Of Satan" but I was wrong. This is Inquisition's best work to date.

I leave you with this is a short video from the YouTube channel The School of Life on how death is an important part of living a meaningful life. A life filled with uncertainty but ultimately enjoyed by understanding your insignificant place in this cosmic infinity of nothingness. I found it incredibly moving. It was exactly what I needed to hear during this incredibly challenging part of my life where many paths are crossing in front of me and the difficult decisions I must make. Its grim, its dark, and its very accurate.

"REASONS TO REMEMBER DEATH"

TOOLS OF THE TRADE

Penitent Order

I take a caveman approach to weightlifting. I pride myself on how little I spend on gym stuff, yet still manage to hit new PR's and crush my short and long term goals. It's kinda my thing now. I am a testament that you don't need most of the shit our fitness industry pushes on consumers. That being said, there are some mission essential items anyone crossing over to the dark side needs to own. Think of them as graduation gifts for outgrowing (out lifting) your garbage mega gym. You are upgrading to an intimate environment that encourages hard work and real strength.  

Like any subculture, motherfuckers love spending money on flare. People wanna look the part before acting the part. I get it to a certain extent but be careful. Coming in hot with the coolest and newest accessories will leave you looking like a soup sandwich caught in the wind. You might as well walk into the gym wearing a sauna suit and ankle weights. How about you test your body before you test your credit card limit Mr. High-speed. Also, despite what your local GNC sales representative says, you don't need to place a down payment on a months supply of oversized, cool looking plastic containers with laughably absurd names.

Todd: "OK, the big day. The first day of my new year, new me program. Just gonna get some stretches in till this Smith machine squat rack open ups. Man, I am feeling a new PR today. Hope there is an extra bar cushion around here. Gonna quarter squat some heavy weight today. Don't wanna hurt my neck."

ITEM #1: A WORKOUT JOURNAL

I found that recording my workouts is not only psychologically rewarding in a Patrick Bateman kind of way, but also great for two other things. First, it shows you quantitative evidence of progress and strength increase. This is crucial in motivating you to push yourself on days you feel weak or deflated. Looking back on your previous lifts, sets, and reps reminds you how far you have come in a short time. It gives you a standard to try and beat on the next session. Second, it hammers the skills for creating workouts, while teaching you to program your own workouts. No one knows you better than yourself. Learn from your previous lifts and adjust them to increase volume, weight, or reps. "Was it too heavy? too light? too black or too white? too wrong or too right? today or tonight. CUMBURRRRRRRSOME." Below is my actual lifting journal.The case is a tactical canvas from Rite In The Rain. The actual leather covered journal was from Barnes & Noble for $8 bucks.

Slots for pens and hi-liters. The Pilot G2 10 is the Rolls Royce of pens. I use it exclusively. Up your writing game player.

Example of how my journal is set up. Day, month, date, and lift scheduled. I give myself room to write notes about the lift if needed. I record the average rest time between certain sets. If the lift was incredibly successful or really hard I note it.

Closer look at my page set up.

ITEM #2: KNEE SLEEVES

I don't know anything about wraps so I am only talking sleeves here. I love knee sleeves. If you have wonky knees, trouble staying warm, or suffer from crippling self doubt when the weight starts getting real then sleeves are for you. I am certain about 60% of their effectiveness is a placebo, but none the less they made a big impact on my squat. There is something about that pressure and heat locked around my knee that makes me fee safe and confident. 

I don't use them every time I squat and I don't use them when warming / ramping up. I like to come in raw and squat with no flare. When I need that boost I throw em' on and keep climbing that weight. By far the best purchase I have ever made in my weightlifting career. I am ashamed it took me so long to get a pair.

I bought these Nordic sleeves on Amazon for $50.

 Never heard of this brand before I bought them but I fucking love them. Excellent craftsmanship, high quality material, triple stitched all around, and the seams mimic the bend of the knee so the wont crap out after a few months. When buying sleeves pay careful attention to the stitching. Don't settle for anything less than a triple stitch and make sure the seam isn't just straight up and down on the sides. Those things will break faster than a pair of booty-ass COBY headphones. I can't speak for any other sleeves personally, but I know my dudes at Rockwell Barbell love the American Barbell Club Premium knee sleeves. ABC is legit as fuck. Those dudes consistently put out high quality products. ABC is also veteran owned and operated. Well deserving of your money and business. 

ABC Premium Knee Sleeves. BUY EM HERE.

ITEM #3: BELT

A belt is a game changer when flirting in the 80-90% range of your 1RM. It is also a must have when attempting new PR's. I own a weightlifting belt but admittedly I did not purchase it. It was given to me by a buddy who upgraded his belt game. Thus keeping my no money on gear reputation alive and well. A decent belt will cost you about $75-$125 dollars. Don't waste money buying a belt any cheaper than that. You want that Hollywood smooth leather to customize as your kill count in the rack increases. Belts are for lifters who are past the infant stage of weightlifting. Don't cinch yourself up in it and spend the whole lift in it. Frankly, its awkward. You are not 1950's In Shape Outta Shape Guy. Master your form and technique first. Save the belt for 80% and above.

For a really interesting insight into weightlifting belts and how important they are to some lifters, check out this article about a skinny turd who went to jail for 12 years and started bodybuilding while he was behind bars. A fascinating article about gym culture of American prisons. Highly recommended you read then ask yourself what your excuse is.

An Ex-Con's Guide To Prison Weightlifting

Daniel Genis is the author of the prison lifting article. This is his belt he made while behind bars.

"The Lone Rangers? That's original. How can you pluralize The Lone Ranger?"

ITEM #4: SHOES

Chuck Taylor's, old school Vans, or even no shoes. If they worked for Arnold they can work for me. Aesthetics brah'.

Another option is the Olympic shoes. I used to be hard line against them but as I continued the powerlifting lifestyle I realized they do indeed have a place in the gym. Above you can see Arnold squatting with his heel up on a 2X4. The elevated heel puts more work on the quads. Oly shoes mimic this foot placement. The shoes are expensive (around $120 and up) but you are only squatting in them so their long lifespan is well worth the higher price tag. 

If you are a cheap bastard like me then just place folded pieces of cardboard under your sole insert on the heel of your shoe. It is the same concept. Just make sure to change out the cardboard frequently.

ITEM #5: THE BIG 3 SUPPLEMENTS

You need to understand that making your body change requires only two things. Eating food and lifting heavy things. You don't need anything else. If prisoners can get huge without a Bodybuilding.com premium membership on cafeteria rations then you need explain yourself. 

What is this fucking internet you speak of? is that for triceps or something? Ive been locked up since '87.

 

So to enhance nutrition we use supplements. These are not the foundation of your diet, these are the tools to give your transformation the advantage. The only three tools you absolutely need are: whey protein, a multi vitamin, and creatine. You can acquire all three for under $100. Plus, even with 2x a day usage they last longer than a month. 

For protein I use Premier Protein. I get it at Costco. It is low in sugar, great tasting, mixes incredibly well, and has 30g of protein per serving. What else are you expecting from protein? 

For multi-vitamins I usually buy store brand men's multi vitamin. Don't get the cheap shitty vitamins that cost $5 bucks for 250 pills. Don't get the $30 high charged, turbo enhanced, unique patent-pending formulated ones either. Compromise and just buy a mid range normal vitamin. They are like $10-14 dollars and last for months. I know you spend that on a single trip to Chipotle. 

For creatine I use Raw Barrel No Bull creatine. It is affordable, high quality, and consistent. Don't be a wet towel and buy some fruity flavor. Get the normal, unflavored, regular ass creatine. Mix it in warm water and put it down your throat. It takes 30 seconds. We gotta stop complicating shit. It's a supplement not a goddamn herbal cleanse. Drink it and move on with your life.  

When your dude walks out of the supplement store carrying something that requires two hands... It better be a fucking human head anything else would be a waste of money.

"What is the true face of a coward? The back of his head as he runs from battle."

ITEMS YOU DON'T  NEED:

Deadlift Straps

Straps are used by people with a weak grip. Which means you are weak. To get from weak to strong what do you do? You address your weakness and fix it. You don't insert a cheat code into a Game Genie and skip the hard stages. Grab the bar with your hands and pick it up. Again, why are we complicating simple shit? Just fucking lift the goddamn thing. 

GAIN GENIE DEADLIFT STRAPS! IGNORE THE WEAKNESS! STROKE YOUR EGO! Gain Genie Deadlift Straps are custom made to give you the illusion of false strength. Gain Genie staps are Instagram compatible right out of the box and will help capture every cant miss pull that is obviously too heavy for you.

Shin Guards 

 Scrapping your shins on the bar during a deadlift means you are doing it right. Pain is a feedback mechanism. Bruised and bloody shins are the meatheads equivalent of stripper knees. Wear you wounds with pride. I know you ain't moving 700lbs for reps. Loose the leg suit. It just messes with your head and gives you more shit to consider when moving weight.

Stripper Knees

Deadlift Shins

Gloves

Is it even necessary for me to address this? Let us save the "no glove, no love" for copulating adults. Gloves are about as cool as a dick wart.

Elevation Masks

"#fitfam #beastmode training with Todd and Mandy for our 5k next month.  EAT CLEAN, TRAIN DIRTY." fucking barf.

It is no coincidence the person using altitude training mask for dumbbell curls and quarter squats is always the least fit person in the gym. Who are you trying to convince? We are suppose to believe you are some elite super athlete looking for the competitive advantage? GTFO. The elevation mask is the dunce cap of weightlifting. Is there also a sticker on your shirt that says be kind to me, it's my first day? I wish gyms had time out corners. The only approved elevation mask is a fucking U.S Government issued gas mask.

"I LOVE YOU FRUITY RUUUUUDY!"

STAY GRIM, HIT THE GYM.

Most High, glorious Lucifer,
enlighten the darkness of my heart
and give me true faith,
certain hope and perfect charity,
strength and knowledge,
that I may carry out
Your true command.